In a nutshell, I am the worlds most indecisive person ever.
Senior year of high school, I remember one occurring question.
"What are your plans after graduation?"
Honestly, I didn't know and I most certainly did not want to just apply for a community college with no passion & then drop out at some point where I've lost my will power to drag myself into the unknown. I've seen it happen plenty of times. So I thought I'd take a year to just work & figure out who or what I wanted to be.
A year came by so quickly. Then 4 years, then 5, and now I've been out of school for over 10 years. How did that happen?!
Its strange. For a season there, I was inspired to go into beauty school & become a cosmetologist. I enjoyed the thought of pampering others. After that I fell in love with children. I committed to working in a day care center, as a nanny, family assistant, and a local non profit shelter for women & children over the course of 7 years. I absolutely loved it! Don't get me wrong. Through my infertility God had gave me fresh eyes to see that He was using me to love & care for children in this season.
I even considered pursuing education in Early Childhood Development. But I still felt unsure. For some reason, just in the depth of my soul, I could just feel something else budding. Through out these past 12 years, a small but constant passion was rising & I just wasn't sure where it would lead me. Was it just a hobby? An obligation? Or a dream? A vision? I found myself creating, planning, & decorating events, weddings, and parties. Opportunities that brought out the R E A L me. Styling hair and makeup for friends, curating arrangements for photography, and just about anything that inspired me to inject my creativity into it.
It wasn't just the fact that I loved being able to share my gift of creativity but it was also being able to bless others with it. To pour my heart & soul into special projects & to see people just receive it with so much joy & to essentially be blessed, that's it. And after every event and opportunity, I had a sense of purpose & passion. I found joy & contentment even in the midst of the chaos that comes with planning anything that had to do with community, good conversations, & service. I love infusing beauty and intricacy into everything that God allows to fall in my path, taking great care of it, knowing that it’ll only last for a moment.
I can honestly say that I don't regret the years in between. The short but long years of the nitty-gritty. I believe that in order for us to come to a place where we can embrace ourselves and whom God has created us to be, we have to go through trials & testings. I know my prayers haven't been completely answered yet. But why do I have to be unfaithful on my part, even if I'm still in a season of waiting? I also believe that our dreams and desires can align with God's purpose for us. I'm so glad that I didn't give in to peer pressure & just pursued a degree of some sort right after high school. Where I stand, I see a BIG God. And I believe that my dreams are not impossible. They may seem far fetched. But my God is Greater.
I may not have a business in event/wedding planning or own my own craft studio. I may not be a certified teacher or a professional make-up artist. But I know in due time, God will open doors that no man can shut. He will continue bringing opportunities in every season that I remain dreaming & trusting. I believe it. My God promises me that He can make my dreams a reality. I trust in Him and I believe that if I'm faithful on my part, He will be faithful on His. I'm willing to just give my all & let Him do the rest.
I believe that this year, He is moving me in a much more bold & courageous direction. That means doing something I don't feel too comfortable about. Jotting down an action plan. Setting doable goals for myself & letting Him take care of the undo-able. Saying yes to the best opportunities. Connecting & surrounding myself in a community that will encourage me to spread my wings & grow. But most importantly, to be moving in expectation. We can move closer to Gods will that way.
I received encouragement from a new friend I met & she said something that really convicted me to dive-in all or nothing.
So here goes nothing. I'd rather live trying than not at all. Are you still dreaming? What are your dreams? Will you dare to dream BIG with me? Will you work towards those dreams & make them a reality?
Lets do this together.