A Dream or Reality?

In a nutshell, I am the worlds most indecisive person ever. 

Senior year of high school, I remember one occurring  question. 

"What are your plans after graduation?"

Honestly, I didn't know and I most certainly did not want to just apply for a community college with no passion & then drop out at some point where I've lost my will power to drag myself into the unknown. I've seen it happen plenty of times. So I thought I'd take a year to just work & figure out who or what I wanted to be. 

A year came by so quickly. Then 4 years, then 5, and now I've been out of school for over 10 years. How did that happen?!

Its strange. For a season there, I was inspired to go into beauty school & become a cosmetologist. I enjoyed the thought of pampering others. After that I fell in love with children. I committed to working in a day care center, as a nanny, family assistant, and a local non profit shelter for women & children over the course of 7 years. I absolutely loved it! Don't get me wrong. Through my infertility God had gave me fresh eyes to see that He was using me to love & care for children in this season.

I even considered pursuing education in Early Childhood Development. But I still felt unsure. For some reason, just in the depth of my soul, I could just feel something else budding. Through out these past 12 years, a small but constant passion was rising & I just wasn't sure where it would lead me. Was it just a hobby? An obligation? Or a dream? A vision? I found myself creating, planning, & decorating events, weddings, and parties. Opportunities that brought out the R E A L me. Styling hair and makeup for friends, curating arrangements for photography, and just about anything that inspired me to inject my creativity into it. 

It wasn't just the fact that I loved being able to share my gift of creativity but it was also being able to bless others with it. To pour my heart & soul into special projects & to see people just receive it with so much joy & to essentially be blessed, that's it. And after every event and opportunity, I had a sense of purpose & passion. I found joy & contentment even in the midst of the chaos that comes with planning anything that had to do with community, good conversations, & service. I love infusing beauty and intricacy into everything that God allows to fall in my path, taking great care of it, knowing that it’ll only last for a moment.

dreams becoming reality

I can honestly say that I don't regret the years in between. The short but long years of the nitty-gritty. I believe that in order for us to come to a place where we can embrace ourselves and whom God has created us to be, we have to go through trials & testings. I know my prayers haven't been completely answered yet. But why do I have to be unfaithful on my part, even if I'm still in a season of waiting? I also believe that our dreams and desires can align with God's purpose for us. I'm so glad that I didn't give in to peer pressure & just pursued a degree of some sort right after high school. Where I stand, I see a BIG God. And I believe that my dreams are not impossible. They may seem far fetched. But my God is Greater. 

I may not have a business in event/wedding planning or own my own craft studio. I may not be a certified teacher or a professional make-up artist. But I know in due time, God will open doors that no man can shut. He will continue bringing opportunities in every season that I remain dreaming & trusting. I believe it. My God promises me that He can make my dreams a reality. I trust in Him and I believe that if I'm faithful on my part, He will be faithful on His. I'm willing to just give my all & let Him do the rest. 

I believe that this year, He is moving me in a much more bold & courageous direction. That means doing something I don't feel too comfortable about. Jotting down an action plan. Setting doable goals for myself & letting Him take care of the undo-able. Saying yes to the best opportunities. Connecting & surrounding myself in a community that will encourage me to spread my wings & grow. But most importantly, to be moving in expectation. We can move closer to Gods will that way. 

I received encouragement from a new friend I met & she said something that really convicted me to dive-in all or nothing.

So here goes nothing. I'd rather live trying than not at all. Are you still dreaming? What are your dreams? Will you dare to dream BIG with me? Will you work towards those dreams & make them a reality?

Lets do this together. 

“God expects you to have enough faith and determination and enough trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. In fact, He expects you not simply to face the future; He expects you to embrace and shape the future--to love it and rejoice in it and delight in your opportunities. God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can't if you don't pray, and He can't if you don't dream. In short, He can't if you don't believe.” - Jeffrey R. Holland

My Word for 2016: JoyFull

4 years ago, I stopped making resolutions. Like many other bloggers, I learned that resolutions were just a plan for failure. I'd make vague goals that were a bit impossible & before even hitting the summer, I'd give up on them. Lose weight, be a better ministry leader, read the Bible, and so on & so forth. What I've recently learned is that change doesn't just happen overnight. It takes baby steps. Dreams don't come true if we don't turn them into goals. Goals aren't reached if we don't set deadlines. 

2015 was a great year. A year of challenges, change, &  transformation. I love that with a new year, comes a fresh start for you to create who you want to become. A time to self evaluate and let go of bad habits & make room for improvement on a greater version of ourselves. I've thought it through, & I choose to make 2016 "JoyFull." I want this year to be filled with joy. 

2 "Consider it nothing but joy, my [a]brothers and sisters, 
whenever you fall into various trials. 
Be assured that the testing of your faith [through experience] 
produces endurance [leading to spiritual maturity, and inner peace]."
James 1:2-3 AMP
With everything that I set out to do this year whether big or small, I want to do it with intention &  with joy. I want to love my husband & family well. I want to be present in the relationships that I have. To let go of unnecessary things & hold on to the things that #sparkjoy in my life. To live a life filled with contentment & gratitude. I hope to serve God with all my heart- not giving up on the calling He's placed on my heart. 

Beauty of Barrenness is something God's been directing me towards. I just never found the courage to follow through with it. Call me crazy, but I have this vision of using this platform to inspire & encourage women & couples around the world that either struggle with infertility or are currently facing the storms of barrenness. I want you to not just know but believe that there IS beauty in the barren. God has impressed this truth in my heart so much recently. 

Come along with me & look into my life. Its filled with flaws, imperfections, ugliness, brokenness, confusion, & so many other things that you may be familiar with. But most of all, join me in experiencing Jesus' healing & God's truth that speaks into EVERY area of our emptiness. Here, you will get to know me on a much much more intimate level. I may have things that I share here that my community of people may not even be aware of. But I trust that in my vulnerability & transparency, God will be glorified. He will be my Defender. I believe He honors those who lay their lives down for His glory. 

Walk along this journey with me as we go into the new year. I not only will use this space as a personal blog but also a creative outlet for me to share with you my daily shenanigans, adventures, & hobbies. I love life and the entirety of it. Style, fashion, health, crafts, home, you name it. I'm officially giving you a front row ticket into my life. And as I type these words out, my heart is beating faster & faster. I'm nervous, anxious, & to be honest, a bit scared. But I'm not going to let fear get in the way of what God is doing. 

What is your word for the year? What are your dreams & goals? Have you taken time to sit down & set deadlines to take you another step closer to reaching those goals? Comment below & tell me about it!

Happy New Year!