It's so easy to get sucked into the motions of filling up every space of time that is existent to mankind with something to do. I'm guilty of this. How about you? I plug and plug as much as I can fit or probably more (let's be real) than I can actually fit into my calendar. And at the end of each month, I'm left feeling exhausted, tired, worn out, & frustrated with myself.
"What did I get myself into?" I'd always end up thinking to myself.
Being an Enneagram 2 to the core, I've learned to understand my to-the-bone truth of what my true intentions can be if I'm not careful. (Any other 2's in here? Give me a )
If you grew up bi-cultured or more specifically in an Asian home, you're probably very familiar with or even deeply impacted by the "honor/shame culture." From a young age, I learned that if I wanted attention, I'd have to earn it. That's when I picked up on the power of people-pleasing. Or at least that's what I thought. 29 year old me is not too proud of 5-year-old Dora.
This has been such a toxic habit to shake off. They say bad habits die hard and it's so true. This last year I've been trying to practice moving slower & doing less. Doing more for myself: mentally, physically, spiritually, & emotionally. I want to hone the rhythm of Jesus. Moving slower with intention, loving well, & spreading light in all that I do out of a full cup & not a dry one. I want to literally "Stop & smell the roses," and enjoy all the beauty that God has designed for me to explore.
It's been a year, & honestly, I've had moments where I've forgotten to slow down. Got caught up in overbooking myself again, & have had to learn the hard way over & over again. But I'm not giving up. No one said it'd be easy, but already, it's been worth it. We're more than halfway through the year, and I don't want to continue sabotaging myself. Boundaries have been key & yet still so hard to learn & create.
If you're reading this, I hope you know there's grace & patience for you & I, my friend. It's a slow process & will probably take us a lifetime to master. But let us not give up nor give in to old habits. Let us keep pressing forward & leaning in to break away the shame, guilt, & lies that do not come from the Lord. Slow down. Smell the roses & find presence wherever your feet take you. This is a safe space for you to move, learn, & grow at your pace. You're not alone.