Grief hits us when we least expect it. No one is ever prepared for it. Grief comes in different forms. It can follow a loved ones death, arrive as a mother awaits her prodigal son to return home, in a marriage that has been desecrated, or in a woman who’s just been delivered with a diagnosis of infertility. Here’s what Wikipedia says:
“Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, and philosophical dimensions.”
Every human being has or if not, WILL experience grief at some point in their life. It’s a part of life. We live and then one day, we will die. Grief will effect all of our loved ones when that time comes. Grief is evidence that love exists. We cannot grieve what we don’t love. Grief has no timeline. For every person deals with grief differently. Some find comfort much earlier on than others. But grief is something we cannot expect people to transition out of quickly.
I remember when I first walked out of the infertility clinic and was just diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cycstic Ovaries Syndrome.) I felt better because I was finally diagnosed and someone was able to give me clarity at last. I wasn’t just mysteriously broken anymore. I went home heavy-hearted still, and looked up “PCOS” and a quote popped up on my screen.
I had to grieve the idea that I would possibly never carry a child in my womb. For one that does not understand the pain of this reality, it hurts. Is it real? The emotions you feel towards an idea that seems far out of reach? I believe it is. Grief effects who we are. It impacts who we become but it is NOT our identity. Grief, like any other emotions is temporary. Instead, most emotions pass on quickly while grief is a slow wave. Time can only tell for those who are grieving. Please know that grief creates a hole in our soul. It’s a response to lost love. Allow yourself to feel, weep, and acknowledge the weight of the pain that comes with grieving. Honor the season of grief that you’re in. You will not wander in it forever, but you will not reconcile with it without riding it through.
Loved ones will pass on through and attempt to console you and even quietly expect you to get over it quickly.
“Don’t cry too much.”
“There is a reason for everything.”
“You can just adopt.”
“They’re in a better place.”
“You need to be strong.”
It’s alright. No one quite understands what to say in a season of grief. Let me just say ,“It’s okay.”
It’s okay for you to feel. For you to feel empty, feel the tears that well up in your eyes, feel the excruciating pain that numbs your heart. It’s important that you not rush through grief. There will come a time when you FEEL okay again. Even though the dark clouds of loss comes to us, the sun rays will always find its way to break through. We grieve with Hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13)
“Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and body with grief.”
I don’t think we were ever supposed to numb out or shake off the season of grief. God created us with the ability and gift of feeling. He understands us. We cannot dismiss feelings such as grief, anger, sadness, depression, or anxiety. For we cannot choose to feel only the good and wish the bad feelings away right? No matter what the amount of grief we experience may weigh, the hope we have in Jesus surmounts that.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
If anything, I hope you know just how beloved you are. If you find yourself in a season of grief. Allow yourself to sit on the shore for a moment. Watch the wave of grief rise up and undoubtedly it will shrink back again. Take a deep breath, for its only temporary. Worship, pray, journal, and in time, you’ll feel yourself again. You’re not alone in this. Jesus sits there on the shore next to you and He’s got you. You are not a wreck in the sand, you are h e l d by the Maker of the sea and stars. He knows your pain and sorrow. Take your weakness to the cross where He becomes your strength.